Poll question
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Recovery - Case studies SAMH defines recovery as: "Recovery is a belief that people can live a fulfilling life, regardless of the problems and difficulties they may be facing." It's important that we don't view people who have been bullied or who have bullied others as ‘victims'. Just because someone has experienced bullying in school, residential care, at the youth club or at their local sports club, it doesn't mean that they will go on to lead an unfulfilled life in adulthood. Indeed, many people who experience bullying during their childhood years have the last laugh as they go on to become successful, articulate adults. Just look at Tom Cruise, Kate Winslet, Rhianna, Joe Calzaghe, Tessa Sanderson, Mel Gibson and Harrison Ford! When we talk about recovery in the context of bullying, we are referring to the journey people take to regain their confidence, self-esteem, courage and ability to fully participate in day-to-day activities. It can take some time for this to happen, regardless of when and if the bullying stops - just because the behaviour stops, it doesn't mean that the impact of the behaviour stops. As we know, bullying can have a number of immediate and long-term impacts, many of which can be devastating. We need to equip children and young people with the skills to build resilience and to develop coping skills to deal with bullying behaviour when it occurs. On the other hand, it can often be ‘empowering' for someone who has experienced bullying or taken part in bullying to take control of another aspect of their life and turn things around for themselves. We are not suggesting that bullying can ever be a good thing but we can all learn from individual experiences and help inform children and young people that it does not mean your life comes to a halt. Below are some inspirational stories of people who have overcome their experiences of bullying. - Case studiesCase study 1I used to live with my mum but she drank too much. I grew up looking after myself really. Could do what I wanted and she never really bothered. I stopped going to school, would smoke hash lots and just hang around town. My social worker told me to stop and try to help my mum more but I couldn't. I just stopped going home altogether. Anyway, I ended up in care and was put in a home miles away from where I was from. It was alright at first but then one of the other girls started to talk to the others about me in a really loud voice so I could hear. The staff never really told her to stop to be honest. It got worse and worse and she started telling people lies about me and my family. The staff seemed to really like this girl and laughed a lot with her, everyone else was scared of her but never said anything. She would shout at the top of her voice horrible things about me and would only get a row for shouting! She would bang on my window at night and tell me her friends would get me if I ever went near them. My clothes were stolen and my trainers. The only peace I got was during the day so I just stayed in bed and would not go to school. I stopped eating properly and had no friends. I left the home at 16 and was put in a hostel. I hated it and never trusted anyone. I was the new person again and was warned that just like before someone would single me out and let me know I'm in their place. I could not go to the benefits office myself as I got embarrassed and confused. When anyone asked me to do things I would start shouting and get defensive and they would back off. The only way out of the hostel was to get a flat from the council and that meant meeting people and filling out forms. One of the staff agreed to come with me and help me through it. I've got a flat now and have made friends where I stay. I'm still embarrassed about what happened to me and I realise now that what happened in the home destroyed my confidence and I just wanted to hide. I never finished school or made any real friends. Things are a lot better now - but I am pregnant and don't want my children to go through the same as me. I want to help with their school work, so I might need some help with that. I want to be a good person but I do worry. Asking for help is not easy but I know I need to. Case study 2 At the age of 12, my Dad got a new job so my mum, dad and I moved to a new area, new house and for me a new school. I was sad to leave my old school and home as I had just started high school and was having to leave my friends. On my first day at school, no one really spoke to me and I ended up spending my breaks and lunch time standing on my own, with people staring at me and pointing because I was the new guy! On the third day I was feeling very low when someone finally came to speak to me. His name was Robbie and we started chatting and realised that we actually lived quite close to each other. We decided that we would meet after school and get the school bus together. I felt a little happier going to my classes that afternoon. As I got up to leave the school bus one of the other kids tripped me up and everyone started laughing. He started shouting "What are you hanging about with that wee loser for!" I felt awful and pretty humiliated. I felt just as bad for Robbie too. As we walked home, Robbie explained that they were just a nasty group. They had been picking on him since primary school. His mum had told him just to ignore it and they would get bored, so that's what he was trying to do but it wasn't proving easy. Over the next few months at school, the behaviour got even worse. Everywhere I went the groups seemed to be there. They were always staring and I felt really frightened to walk past them. I had a constant knot in my stomach and was just waiting for them to start on me. Robbie and I took different routes but it seemed to make no difference. They started shouting names at me and getting everyone else in the class to hold their nose when I walked in a room and ignore me too. People jumped in front of me in the lunch queue and one day they grabbed my bag and started playing football with it around the corridor. My Mum wasn't happy with me about the state of my bag and gave me a lecture for not looking after things. One day in the toilets, they tried to push myself and Robbie into the same cubicle saying since we were such ‘bum chums', we should share the same toilet. We were both really embarrassed and I had to try hard to stop myself from crying. They kept us trapped in there for about ten minutes and I ended up late for class and got screamed at by the teacher. After that, Robbie and I didn't really hang about together at school, it just wasn't worth it. He did mention going around to his house but to be honest I didn't even want to leave the house. I started really struggling with my school work - I just couldn't concentrate. I couldn't be bothered doing homework; all I wanted to do was sleep when I got home and I really didn't see much point as the teachers seemed to think I wasn't too clever anyway! I couldn't face going to school. I started hanging about down the park instead and wasn't really eating, I just spent all my money on cigarettes instead. I had never felt so alone and afraid all the time. The school contacted my parents and told them I hadn't been attending. They were really mad to start with but I think they suddenly saw how sad I was. I couldn't stop crying and I knew that I had to tell them - I thought that telling them would worry them but they looked more worried now! I told them everything; what had been happening and how terrible I was feeling. Mum and dad were great. They asked me what I wanted them to do about it. I just wanted it to stop. They ended up having a few meetings at the school and eventually, thankfully the bullying stopped. Mum and dad let me know what was happening at every meeting I didn't attend. I still felt scared though and was frightened to go out. One of the teachers asked how I was feeling and when I told him, he suggested that I helped the student council to look at anti-bullying measures for the school. I attended, I was really nervous but I actually enjoyed myself. For the first time really since joining the school, people listened to my opinion and didn't ignore the fact that I was there. Half way through I heard myself laughing and the knots went away a bit and I felt quite hopeful actually. We eventually worked on a school play about bullying and I was very pleased with myself when I managed to get a part in it. My mum and dad encouraged me to invite Robbie around to play the Playstation and we had a fun night and talked about all sorts. I encouraged him to tell the teacher about his bullying and he did. It was nice to be someone's friend again. |