Respectme

What is the right thing to do if a child or young person comes to you and tells you that they are being bullied?

Whether you are a parent, grandparent, teacher, social worker, foster carer, childminder, residential worker or lollipop man/lady – the child/young person has chosen to tell YOU and it is your responsibility to ensure that they get the most helpful response possible.

Your reaction at this stage is vitally important. Children and young people have usually gone through a lot of upset before they come forward and actually tell someone. This is an important step for every child and not an easy one to take.  A child’s experience will be directly affected by the response they get from the adult. We need to listen and get it right.  It’s the personal touch that makes the difference and we should always be mindful of this.

LISTEN!  Firstly, don’t panic and try to keep an open mind.  Take the time to hear what the child/young person is saying to you.  They may have chosen to tell you at a less than convenient time but you must put this aside and give them your full attention and time.

Let the child know that they have done the best thing by coming to speak to you, that bullying is never acceptable and that they deserve to feel safe in their environment.  

Children and young people are often concerned that no-one will take them seriously if they tell that they are being bullied.  You have to show them that you believe them and that you are taking them seriously.  You may have to do some probing in order to get as much of the story as you can.  Let the them speak, without interruption as far as possible, but do not be afraid to ask questions when they have finished.  If you feel like you need to take notes then explain why and what will happen with the notes.

LISTEN!  Once the child/young person has told you their story then you need to find out what they need you to do for them.  Many young people will tell you that they don’t want you to do anything.   If they feel they have some sort of control over the situation then those children and young people are likely to admit that they want the bullying to stop.  In order to facilitate an effective outcome it is vital that their views are taken into account when planning how to deal with the allegations.   If they say that they don’t want you to do anything then that is because they think they already know what you are going to do.  You may have to reassure them that things can be handled discreetly and quietly if appropriate, but remind them that they have a right not to be bullied and that they should not be suffering at the hands of a bully.

LISTEN!  Tell the child/young person that you are really glad they came to you to talk about the bullying and that you are always there to listen.  Promise to check back in with them to make sure that whatever agreements you have made are happening and make sure you do it.

Click on the different scenarios below to see how others have dealt with a situation where they have been approached by someone who is being bullied. 

Parent

Social Worker

Teacher