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If a child approaches you and says ‘Excuse me I am being bullied' what do you?
Your reaction at this stage is vitally important. Do not panic and keep an open mind. Children and young people have usually gone through a lot of upset before they come forward and actually tell someone. This is an important step for every child and not an easy one to take.
It's not just about the environment, your policy or the measures you have in place to deal with bullying. A child's experience will be directly affected by the response they get from the adult. We need to listen and get it right. It's the personal touch and we should always be mindful of this.
Listen - give the child your full attention
They may have chosen to tell you at a less than convenient time but you must put this aside and give them your full attention and time.
Active listening skills are key, be reflective and communicate that you are listening effectively - this is the challenge.
Find a safe and comfortable place where there will be no interruptions
Let the child know bullying is never acceptable and they deserve to feel safe; they have done the best thing by coming to speak to you, bullying is never acceptable and they have the right to feel safe in their environment.
Children and young people are often concerned that no-one will take them seriously if they tell that they are being bullied. You have to show them that you believe them and that you are taking them seriously.
Gently encourage them to talk, finding out what happened, who was involved, where and when - it might help to write this down.
You may have to do some probing in order to get as much of the story as you can. Let the child/young person speak, without interruption as far as possible, but do not be afraid to ask questions when they have finished. If you feel like you need to take notes then explain to them why you are doing that and what will happen with the notes.
Listen - what do they want you to do?
Once the child/young person has told you their story then you need to find out what they need you to do for them. Many young people will tell you that they don't want you to do anything. If they feel they have some sort of control over the situation then those children and young people are likely to admit that they want the bullying to stop. In order to facilitate an effective outcome it is vital that their views are taken into account when planning how to deal with the allegations.
Keep the child involved and up to date.
Tell the child/young person that you are really glad they came to you to talk about the bullying and that you are always there to listen. Promise to check back in with them to make sure that whatever agreements you have made are happening and make sure you do it.
What about the child who is bullying?
You should deal with bullying behaviour the same way that you would deal with any type of challenging behaviour.
Listen. Take time to listen to the child or young person and discover the reasons why they are displaying bullying behaviour. Use your active listening skills to help discover the bigger picture for this person and what shapes them.
Do not label the individual or group as ‘bullies'. Name the behaviour and the natural consequences should it continue. For example, "When you act like that people are upset and may not want to play with you."
This allows you to state clearly the behaviour that needs to change. Take this opportunity to then state clearly the behaviour that you would like to see instead. This gives clarity and makes it easier to address negative behaviour and importantly, reward positive behaviour.
Be prepared. Children, young people and their parents and carers are likely to have a strong reaction to this. Be clear it is the behaviour you are describing and you will support them in finding a positive resolution.
Be prepared to address prejudicial attitudes that may be behind the behaviour. Bullying behaviour can often be rooted in prejudice due to difference or perceived difference.
Address behind the behaviour, even when the bullying has stopped.
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